Big Screen
dear..
dear who? exactly who must know i will die?
who must be aware of what i'm doing?
that's right; nobody.
nobody will miss me
i'm sure you'll blink away your tears and
look back at whatever problem you have to take care of next.
by this time next year
i'm sure you won't even remember a name
my name
the name that you promised to cherish for all this time.
selfish, how could you;!
i have been crying for help
i have been looked at
"he won't really do it;"
i remember when dad was in the kitchen
and i was standing with mom
he looked at us, glazed eyes
"I'll be able to sleep, knowing full aware
a double-barrel shotgun is in good care
In my grip, in my home
So any intruder won't enter my humble abode"
i know where the keys lie
i know where the keys lie
i remember the night where he bashed and screamed at us
where he was viscous and cold
pills and beer not mixing well
to a calm slushie of sleep and hunger
i held a chemical bottle
right in my hands; cap off
i realized that my life
served nothing in this plan of
reality.
i can do it
i can do it
i can imagine myself, months from now
going to my old school with a knife; preferably a gun
and seeing blood
their blood
their blood on my pale hands;
their lifeless bodies and eyes starring right back
the idea thrills me
but i don't want to hurt anyone.
i don't want the creatures that plague my head to control me and make me
walk and talk and kill
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i want to still, make a message
find my body in the park where the kids lie
find my body laying next to my father and brother
find my body with a public video attached to it
find my body in a place in which you wouldn't find a dead body;
once you see me on the big screen
you'll than know what i mean.
i don't know what to say
minus i can't stand this place
i don't know who is
in the mirror anymore
i can't live like this anymore
i can't toture all of you like this anymore
December 14th
remember me
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